A bit of heartache

I have been on the phone a lot today; scheduling appointments, calling the insurance company, and so on. I took Chad into the doctor last Thursday and he said what I have been thinking for a while now, "I am seeing some things that Gibson started doing at this age that concern me Callie". Oh goodness, and there go the waterworks. I have talked about this with Gerod, our small group and even on the blog but I guess I kept thinking and hoping that it was something else. Maybe there is a hearing issue? Maybe he is just mimicking behaviors that he sees in Gibson?

We obviously don't know for sure yet, but I kind of feel in my heart that something is off. I keep telling myself that I CANT do this! I CANT have 2 children with Autism, I just CANT. However in the same breath I hear God telling me that I CAN and that he chose me for a reason.

Chad will be evaluated in September to find out for sure if it is anything Autism related or just a speech delay or hearing problems. I don't know what the outcome will be, I am not a doctor, but I cant seem to shake that nagging feeling I have like I got with Gibson.

Something just isn't right here.

Some days I think about it and I cry, the tears flow and I just cant seem to shake them. There are other days when I can talk out loud about my thoughts and fears and not even shed one single tear.
All I know is that for some reason God knows I am strong enough to handle this. I don't know if I believe it, but God only gives us what we can handle. I know that there is some divine purpose to all of this and maybe one of these days I will find out the true plan.

Until that time I cherish everything that is going on with my children. Gerod and I couldn't be more pleased with the progress that Gibson is showing, and we are ready for Chad to get started on his journey of therapy as well. Our first meeting with Sooner Start in Tuesday, May 10th. We will get an evaluation from them on the kinds of services that Chad will receive (I know he will qualify) and then we can finally get the ball rolling.

I should be getting a call back from the doctor who will see Gibson soon to get him evaluated for ADHD. I have thought that ADHD might be another issue for Gibson but had been reluctant to ask our pediatrician if we could get him evaluated, but as soon as I brought it up he agreed that it would be good to get Gibson tested and gave me two doctors numbers on the spot. *I love our pediatrician by the way, he is AWESOME!*

So anyway, that is what is going on here! We have a lot on our plate right now and we are just trying to take it all in.
I know I have promised MANY times to keep this thing up to date, and I promise yet again that I will get better about it. I think sometimes I stretch myself a bit thin and I need to sit down and re-evaluate some things I have going and maybe give up one or two things to make my days a bit more stress free!

I will keep you all updated on what we find out.

Tomorrow we leave for Texas to visit family. It should be a nice break or us, and LOTS of Mexican food for this Texan born, Texan bred Momma!! I am ready!