Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The worst day of my life

I have not blogged in a very long time. I have been overcome with grief, sadness and so many more emotions that I didn't even know existed. I hope to never go through the pain that my family and I have gone through these past couple of weeks ever again.

I'll start from the beginning...
Saturday May 21, 2011
This was the day that everything started.
The boys were already in bed when we got the phone call... Gerod's Granddaddy died in a motorcycle accident driving home from his lake house. Gerod was crushed. I have never seen him so broken. All I knew to do was to hold him, allow him to cry and comfort him to the best of my ability. It was a horrible night.

Monday May 23, 2011
We made the long drive to Gerod's hometown in TX for the funeral that was to be held on Wednesday.This was actually a really good day, the drive went well and we slept well after we arrived late that night.

Tuesday May 24, 2011
Another tough day as this was the day of the viewing. Gerod's Granddaddy looked really good and we were able to say our goodbyes. It was a very emotional time for all of us as Gerod and his Granddaddy were always very close. He was in perfect health so this was just the most unexpected tragedy that we could imagine. Little did we know things were about to get much worse.

Wednesday May 25, 2011
We woke up and got dressed for Gerod's Granddaddy's funeral service. We made the drive to town and met with the family at Gerod's Granddaddy's home. The service was so large they had to hold it at the civic center and it was beautiful. Afterward Gerod and I talked to some of our friends and I was able to speak with both of my grandparents and my parents who all came to the service. I hugged my grandparents and said goodbye because they were not going to attend the grave side part of the service.
The burial service was led by the Masons of the Masonic Lodge that Granddaddy had been a part of for most of his life and they did a beautiful job.

Little did I know that my whole life was changing during that service.

When the family arrived at the church for the meal that was to be provided to us there was quite a lot of talk going around. We found out that my grandmother had been in a serious accident and was in the hospital in the town. Panicking, Gerod and I rushed to the hospital. When we got inside I told them who I was looking for and they asked me to give them some of her information. At this point I wondered why my grandpa hadn't given them this information, where was he? Moments later a nurse came out of he ER and told me that I could see my grandma and that she was ok. I was confused, overwhelmed, scared and anxious all rolled into one. Once I got into the room and saw that my grandma was responsive and able to speak to me I immediately felt better. She was in serious condition but otherwise really didn't look all that bad. She asked where my grandpa was and I told her I would find out. I told her that everything would be ok.

At this point they told me they were going to medi-flight her to a bigger hospital about 30 min away and that I would need to sign some forms to release her. I asked a nurse where the other three people were that were in the car with my grandma and she didn't respond. It was like a movie, everyone was looking at me, hearing my words, but no one was saying anything. After asking multiple times a trooper finally walked over to me and said the words that will forever haunt me, "Ma'am, the two males are deceased"... what he said next I am not sure of, I completely lost it. The "two males" were both of my grandpas... my only two grandpas... they were two amazing men in my life, and they were gone.I had just seen them not even an hour earlier and they were gone! As I type this my heart breaks all over again. I kept thinking this all just had to be a dream, no, a nightmare. How could they be gone?

They took Gerod and I back to an empty part of the hospital where I cried hysterically. About that time my parents walked in. No one had told them yet.
I didn't realize until later that I am the one who told my mom; I am the one that told my Mom that her father and father-in-law had just died. I don't know if I will ever be okay with that.
Then it was time to make phone calls, Aunts, Uncles, Sisters, Brothers... we called them all.

I felt numb, as my parents, Gerod and I all drove to the hospital to check on my Grandma as well as my Grandpas girlfriend who was also in the accident.
When we arrived at the hospital we found that we would not be allowed to see my Grandma until after her surgery, but we were able to see my Grandpas girlfriend before they wheeled her to surgery. She seemed to be alright but was also in very serious condition.

In the waiting room, surrounded by family on both my Mom and Dad's sides I wondered how something like this could happen. I couldn't imagine that it was all real. It couldn't be real?!?

Around 9pm we were able to go in to the ICU unit to see my grandma and my grandpas girlfriend. My grandma was alert and asked the question we were all dreading hearing, "Where is Jim (my grandpa)"?
My Mom, her sister, and my grandmas sister had all decided to tell her the truth if she asked this question. I am sure that my grandmas heart broke in the instant that she heard the news. My grandparents had just recently celebrated their 55 year anniversary. Just heartbreaking.

That night Gerod and I drove back to his hometown with his parents to stay one more night. We left the boys with his parents and we stayed in a hotel. Even though the kids weren't with us I still struggled with sleep. I woke up frequently, crying and didn't get good rest at all.

Thursday May 26, 2011
The next morning we prepared to drive back to the hospital but then decided to go back to my hometown instead. We ended up traveling on the same road that the accident happened on. I thought I was prepared, I thought I would be fine, but that was anything but the case. As we turned onto the main road in town I felt my fingertips starting to tingle and then it crept into my hands and arms and then my whole body was numb. I couldn't breath, it was like the air had been sucked out of my body and I cried uncontrollably. My hands and arms went stiff and I had no clue what was happening to me. Gerod got me to my parents house as quickly as he could and once I got home my family got me calmed down, and they told me I had probably just experienced a panic attack. It was the craziest thing to ever happen to me, although I guess the entire situation is just the craziest thing to ever happen to me.

Continued later...